Dating in your 30s

No one is mature, just emotional

I am definitely an over-thinker and my thoughts can be a little out there sometimes Which is why I believe that I started writing blogs when I was 13. I had these deep inner conversations that I was somewhat shy to share with one specific person, so I guess I ended up sharing them on the world wide web with … everyone. You’re welcome.

For a few days, or even months, to be fair, I have been thinking about one specific topic. Dating after divorce while also reinventing some of my moral beliefs has been such a weird rollercoaster. I had some great experiences from the beginning, figuring out my needs and wants, but some of them only solidified after a few trials ending in major errors.

Here are a few things I had learned the past year of dating about myself and in general:

1. Be more assertive, less accommodating – All my life I have been waiting to see how someone else felt about me or our situation to make a decision myself. It would be days or even weeks for me to realise that maybe how I wanted things was the opposite to my partner, but I wasn’t willing to voice it, however uncomfortable I was in case they get sick of me. Looking back, being more assertive always brought the best results and least amount of heartbreaks.

2. It’s a downgrade for them – this is completely big headed, but as someone struggling with self-esteem issues, this has to be a constant reminder. Looking back I had to lower my own standards and needs for previous partners or hook ups and it was because they couldn’t match mine. Once our situation was over, I realised that whomever they will be able to satisfy will be a downgrade to me. Now, this is not to shame other women. They are amazing beings. However, in our relationship (or what could have been) my needs were different and it was time for me to upgrade.

3. It’s about having fun – so fucking obvious, but I need to remind myself that while relationships can be stressful and challenging, if it’s a constant stomach ache and hardly ever belly laughs, then it’s probably a no! I’m naturally a light hearted person who enjoys a good chuckle and silly things, so if someone dims this energy, sadly, it’s not for me. They can be the nicest and kindest people, but they are still not right for me.

Before you’d think I've gotten so wise with all of this dating knowledge, let me remind you of a few facts. I’m going through a divorce who had one serious-ish relationship before their marriage, so there’s a LOT here to still learn.

Here’s the list of the things that keep me up at nights as I constantly overthink them: