In My Lorelai Gilmore Era

4 Ways I am the Protagonist

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I went shopping after a walk together. I wasn’t necessarily planning on buying anything, I didn’t really have items on my shopping list to be crossed off, but then I cam across this royal blue puffer jacket in the kids section (who would have thought these lemons could be squeezed in there?). Because of my friend’s shorter build, she often buys clothes from the kids section, so I was circling around this rack for a while before I decided to try one on, even if it would not fit me at all. Well, to your - and my - surprise, the coat fit like a glove. A girl 16.

I wore this new jacket with pride and a cheeky smile on my face that I was wearing kids clothes. As if the new inclusivity of girl sizes in a big department store meant I suddenly lost the 10 kilos I’ve been trying to get rid off. Every time I had this coat on, something in the back of my mind was telling me that I’d seen a coat like this before. Then one day, standing in my studio, staring at my blue baby hung up on a rack, it hit me.

It was *somewhat* similar to Lorelai’s famous blue puffer jacket.

Before sounding like someone with the biggest ego, for the past couple of years, especially since living and running a business in a small town, I felt like my life was in line with Lorelai. Except the teenage pregnancy, but alas, let me point out some similarities.

I grew up watching Gilmore Girls and I remember I kind of trained myself to speak fast. The first time an American guy said: “wow, you said that so fast”, I was beaming like a child, as that was the highest compliment I could get about yapping, especially in my second language.

Two years ago as the leaves hit the ground and the nights became longer, I decided to do what all millennial white women do, and watch the show from the beginning. (As I am typing this now, a GG Soundtrack playlist is playing in the background. Why wasn’t Sam Phillips a bigger star? I’ll never know…) As the first couple of scenes rolled in front of me, I realised that I was only a few years younger than our protagonist, yet I always felt like she was a mature woman, making silly mistakes, never thinking she was someone figuring out who she truly was in her thirties.

Since I am only a couple of weeks away from my 32nd birthday, I feel even closer to her in some aspects, but miles away from her in others. I broke it down to 4 categories to help us unravel this connection between Lorelai and I.

Family

While I am not estranged from my family, physically I am as far from them as humanly and financially possible, as I don’t have the funds for a space trip. Yet. Not sure if it’s the in dogmatism of Hungarian folklore where the youngest of three would always go on a big adventure, changing tradition, stepping out of the box, causing havoc, but here I am, going through a divorce, leaving behind a religion, and rebuilding myself, completely on my own. Not so quietly, tho, as I am literally telling about it to others on Substack, but that’s my way of dealing with it.

I’d say I always had a good relationship with my parents, but I often felt they didn’t know me. Maybe it’s silly to bring it up, but I felt my mother’s Christmas gifts were always so far off from who I was as a person, and clearly what I wanted, that it was always a weird sense of contention between us. As a grown up now I understand that having “gift giving” in my top 3 love languages, this meant more to me than anyone else, and sadly, to my own fault, I could never accept a gift openly, with a smile.

My mom often said that my dad and I are the same, that’s why we can’t really be in the same room. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s just different ways our personalities bloom, but I also felt he didn’t know me when I begged him to let me quit flute practice because the teacher was belittling and rude. He was also a family friend, so my dad forced me to keep going. Until one day, we had a huge, symphonic concert in the making in which my dad took part as well as one of the saxophonists. One afternoon, after long hours of practice when everyone’s attention started to scatter, my dad made a mistake and that same bully of a teacher shouted at, no, screamed at my dad. The shock on my dad’s face was both priceless and heartbreaking. As we gathered our cases and left the venue, my dad looked at me and sad: “If you don’t feel like going back next year, you don’t need to, but please, finish this one.”

Lorelai didn’t have siblings growing up, but I did. I was the third and youngest in my family, almost being forced to follow the path my siblings have created, but instead of doing so, it was fuelling me to forge my own. So often my mother would implore me: “But your sister is doing this…” to which I would snap back “but I am not her, my name is Eszter!” For years I said that my sister and I only started to get along once she moved away. How cruel, yet somewhat, true. Not having her next door to me made me miss her, so always enjoyed our time together when she visited from university. We’d watch some movies, usually Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen ones, giggle for a while, then go our seperate ways. One summer I remember we were having a blast watching the football cup, listing all the guys we fancied, the ways we couldn’t pronounce their names, the way they flipped their hair styles from game to game.

Interestingly, my relationship was better with my brother when we lived together. For the two of us, distance is making it more challenging to keep the connection alive, but when we are together, we can always have a good time. We shared a similar friends group growing up, often supporting his endeavours with his bands, art or even sports (until his ankles couldn’t take it anymore). He was the first one who let me smoke some weed (and then projectile vomit) for my birthday, took me to festivals and concerts.

Love Life

Well, I think we share a lot in this realm of our existence. At the beginning of the show, she was single, but clearly had a history with her daughter’s father, Christopher. Cruelly, when I told my ex-husband that I wanted to divorce him, I said to him that I think he’ll always be like a Christopher in my life. How wrong and naive I was. While Lorelai wasn’t on any dating apps, I do wonder if the story was more current, would she have been on one? Would she use this blue jacket picture for her profile?

Sometimes I wonder why she ended up with Luke as so clearly to me it was more of a proximity crush than anything else. Now, before all the Stars Hollow fans raid my house, I love that they ended up together, but now as I live in a small town, who would be my Luke Danes? I know the owners of my favourite coffee place, and while I’m pretty free-spirited, I’m not interested in becoming a unicorn. I had a few flings, a few guys stay over, but I am still somewhat heartbreakingly single, with no prospect of ever finding true and real love in the near future. You never know tho, but I wish they showed more options where Lorelai was interested in a man, but the man wasn’t. A little rejection would have helped my hopeless romantic heart.

However, the way the show portrayed forgiveness was so important. Often, it was withheld and there were lots of occasions when it was the main character, really. Not just romantically, but in any sort of relationships. In today’s dating world when it’s so EASY to swipe again, we probably never think we could or that we should forgive someone and give them another chance. Yet, Lorelai often gave and received a bucket load of forgiveness for silly mistakes. I also like the idea of slow dating, instead of swiping, meeting people in real life, making a connection that way.

In one of the final seasons’ episode, Luke is basically warned that Lorelai will grow bored of this life and town. I agreed. I feel like I would grow bored and tired of this little town as well. Returning here often would be amazing, but living here is a different story. I have been itching for change, one way or another.

Work Life

As mentioned, just like Ms. Gilmore, I also run my own business in a small town, which put me on the map of locals rather quick. I had a real pinch me moment with a visiting friend about a year ago, when we were walking on The Centre, and people kept saying high to me. My friend said: wow, everyone knows you, it’s so sweet. It’s also the reason I hide behind the fridges of my favourite cafe, so I can have a little me-time. There is a certain charm to this place, for sure. Cute little events, the town buzzing on special occasions, but quiet otherwise, little to none real crime, and a strong community spirit. Now this also means, everyone else is bored as hell, so for entertainment, they like to stick their noses into others’ businesses. Quite literally sometimes.

While we don’t have a Mr. Doose, we definitely have busy bodies who like to run the town. We don’t have town meetings, but we have similar style of spitfires on our local Facebook Business page. I experienced it first handedly when the only ATM wanted to remove itself from the community that angry, privileged retirees could literally take down society if it needs be. Wish they put this much effort into ending world hunger, but they need to get some cash for their daily coffee first.

In all honesty, at the moment I would be so happy to receive a huge offer by a chain yoga or pilates studio to buy out my boutique spot in town so I could frolic in the beauty of New Zealand with no worries over my shoulder. Any takers?

Personal Life

Now, this may be a mix of all of the topics above, but it had to be its own category as it isn’t influenced by anything outside its own realm, it is about me as a person. I, also, dropped out of school (not high school because of an unplanned teenage pregnancy, but from college because of insufficient funds), itching to go back and get a degree in something. I don’t know if I’ll live here forever, but I know that my goal now is to work on my own self. Maybe I’ll go on another pilgrim trip, just to get to know myself a little more.

It’s been told to me before that I am witty, also not just a pretty face, and I am selfless. I have also been called out on my bullshit before, how I hurt others, or the mistakes I seem to make. I am clearly a complex individual who was living life the way I knew best, like most of us all.

But just like Lorelai, my goal is to be happy and content, with a life that I created to for myself. The next chapters of my life will be because of me: the home I choose, the town I live in, the work I do, the person I date – they will all be because of me, and not because of a sad man, a tortured parent, or a financial burden.